Feminism, marriage and other notes on a mother

It's a bit trite to post on marriage, but after the weekend I've had I've decided to reflect on the practice a bit.

There are quite a few women I've come into contact recently that are either getting married young, are young and wish they were getting married, or are ready/having children. I, at the tender age at 24, have only the vaguest thought concerning these events with regards to myself sometime in the next 10 or so years. I can't claim the authority of this woman, however, the more I see this marriage thing going on, the more it freaks me out.

My parents were married fairly young and have very firm opinions on this matter. They are currently teaching one of those marriage-prep classes with the Catholic Church and this has only served to solidify their viewpoints. They firmly believe a married couple should have (or at least want to have) children, share all finances, and that all decision should be made jointly. Not to knock on them: my parents have an amazing relationship. They are an incredible team. That being said, their views sound ridiculous to me. I won't share my bank account with anyone; it implies a level of trust I have never had for a person. Distributing costs based on which partner makes more? Sure. Putting everything in one pot and divving it up based on 'need'? Seems doomed to fail a la communism...unless there's only one person working. And then you enter into the whose-work-is-more-important arena

Children: well, perhaps I'll go on about that later. What I really want to dwell on is the joint decision making process.

I dated someone for a year and a half. I've known many, many people who have dated/been married in my age group. This joint decision-making thing? Have yet to see it work. Unless both people are in the same career field, or are committed to living in the same place, it doesn't work. Someone loses out, especially in this 20-ish range. One person is willing to give more or has more flexibility, leading to feelings of insecurity from the other person, or the end result compromise is a less prestigious opportunity for the more-flexible partner. The real result? It becomes ridiculously apparent to all parties who is the more-dependent person in the relationship. Power disparities may be a fact of life, but I doubt any couple wants them on display for public consumption.

Some women are fine with this. I see many around me that are proud they didn't finish college/take that job/move to name-that-big-city because they decided to follow someone. I hear much less often of a man doing the same. While it is obvious that compromise is the root of a healthy relationship, why is it always the woman who has to give? Women, many feminists, tout their flexibility as one of the core components of 'femininity'--but why is this flexibility most often geared towards appeasing men? And finally, is it possible to have an even power-relationship within a marriage when these sorts of choices will need to be made?